I just scrolled past a post on Facebook that told me this week sees the start of 2019’s National Breastfeeding Week in the UK. I didn’t know it was coming up, and it seems pretty ironic that this is the week I chose to end our breastfeeding journey.
I always knew I wanted to breastfeed Callie. I had done all the research to make sure I was prepared for all eventualities. For me, formula wasn’t an option.
When Callie was born, I found it tough - no one tells you just how much your nipples hurt as they get used to being damp and warm constantly. It often felt like they were covered in papercuts, then I got mastitis twice, thrush once, and told myself if I made it to 6 weeks feeding I’d be happy.
Well 6 weeks came and went, and before I knew it we had managed to get through the worst to a point where it worked for us - no bottles to make up, no measuring formula - I fed on demand through cluster feeding, was able to comfort feed her whenever she needed it and once we mastered feeding laying down, I was able to get a lot more sleep as was she. It soon became the most natural and easy option. I especially loved being able to feed her as soon as I saw her hunger cues. I was able to feed her in the sling, in the pool during her Water Babies lessons...anywhere really!
Fast forward to 18 months and my sweet little babe had been having solids since we started babyled weaning at 6 months...the time had come to drop daytime feeds. She was ready, but I had been putting it off out of sheer laziness because honestly, having food on tap is hard to deny when your child is hungry and just needs a feed or won’t settle and you know a comfort feed would help. But after only one day of confusion and constantly having to explain to her that milkies was just for night time, she warned herself and boom, no more day feeds.
My boobs took a week or so to adjust to needing to produce less milk and I just expressed off the engorgement each day if it got uncomfortable.
Then she turned 2. At this point I had been experiencing nursing aversion for quite a while but knowing all the benefits of breastfeeding (having trained as a breastfeeding peer supporter when Callie was about 9 months old) I kept persevering. Callie still fed to sleep every night, and woke around 2-5 times a night to feed, and would then feed in the morning as she slowly woke up. But once she turned 2, being blessed with a toddler who has a fantastic appetite and tries anything and everything (and is especially fond of spicy food thanks to my cooking-mad other half!) I made the decision one Saturday evening that I was done. It was stressing me out that she had been cluster feeding, wasn’t drinking much in the daytime, and it had become more of a comfort than a necessity by now.
I had tried about 5 months previously to stop feeding at night but didn’t commit. Going through a divorce, house move, starting nursery etc..it was the wrong time - all we both needed was that bonding time. So I waited, and then I just felt like it was the right time. That first time, I bought all sorts of milks, a new bottle, I basically overthought it. I got cabbage leaves for my boobs too as there’s a hormone in them that helps prevent milk production. The second time, I just went straight to offering water instead of milk and that was it. The first evening she cried each time I told her that her boobies were finished and there was no more milk, but it helped that her baby cousin had just been born. I explained that now her Auntie has all the milk for him. She thought about it for a moment then looked at me, said ‘okay mummy’ and hugged my chest.
And that was that. 3 days ago, we stopped breastfeeding at night. The subsequent nights she has fallen asleep with just a cuddle, not asked once for milk but has instead just asked for a cuddle, and has been absolutely fine.
Was it hard? Surprisingly not! Do I miss it? Absolutely. But it was time to stop, for my sanity and her independence. Now, I know she will be able to have sleepovers with her cousins and Grandparents. My other half is able to comfort her more than before because she doesn’t ask for boobies. It’s been bittersweet but I feel such a sense of pride that she’s taken it totally in her stride.
So this national breastfeeding week, be proud for however long you fed for, for however many women you empowered to try breastfeeding, and for however many women you have supported in their BF journey!
Whether you BF or not, thank you for accepting it, thank you for normalising it and thank you for understanding that by talking about breastfeeding we aren’t shaming people who choose not to.
